Fireworks, and the Party in My Pants


The calm had descended on the family and the Great Shutter Disaster of 2025 had been long forgotten and etched into the annals of family history. Tonight would be about fireworks, food (surprise, surprise), and the party in my pants.  Not that kind of party — this was France, not Netflix. But I did end up with a surprise performance later that night…

Bal des Pompiers: Fireworks, Firemen, and Fashion Crimes

We were all relatively refreshed after lunch and snoozes.  The plan was to head to Saint Cado to watch the traditional fireworks display, and who doesn’t enjoy looking at lights in the sky? Think Guy Fawkes meets French revolution, except we don’t burn anybody, and we celebrate with explosions, merriment, dancing, and firemen.

Tonight would be the “bal des pompiers” which I must remind you has nothing to do with firemen’s balls… Well, maybe towards the end of the dance, but that is none of my business. You could see a cross section of French society: the young teens trying to outdress each other, parents with children trying to keep an eye on aforementioned children, parents of a similar age to me looking at the young teens trying to think how anybody could let them out dressed like that, other older parents looking for food, and quite a lot of us looking for booze.

Organisation Française: A Joyful Mess

The organisation was very French, un joyeux bordel, and yet there were signs of some very organised organisers taking orders, firemen cooking various dishes, and others serving and selling the booze.

We drove down and Marina et al followed in their car. We saw the high-vis jackets telling people where to go to park. We were told to go to Car Park 3, because of la dame in the front seat of my car. La Dame was none other than my mother-in-law who was already in a good mood, flattered to be referred to with such deep respect.

A French Family Comedy in Real Time

We saw Louka, Jessica’s other boy, in a queue for something, and as the evening wore on there would be sightings of more offspring like in a French family comedy film.  Gisèle noticed a friend and her son, and this was the perfect opportunity to sit down, as my darling wife’s bad back was playing up.  All of a sudden we saw the Marina party, and they joined us.  

The Soundtrack to a Slightly Tipsy Night

The music from the French DJ was blaring out across the square, which is usually such a quiet place.  Not Bob Sinclair or David Guetta, but Bob Sincliair C5, and David Guet-Apens.  French hits from Claude François, whose songs are guaranteed to get French into a frenzy and doing specific dances.  Even after 30 years of living here there are still songs about the Phare d’Alexandrie, and barracudas that still traumatise me.  “They” seemed to be loving it and really getting into the “mood!”  There is a law against the shooting of crappy DJ’s.  A pity, really.

Moules Frites and Other Mistakes

Raymond and Vincent were sent away to get food.  There were so many lines of people to follow but I eventually caught up to the boys.  We were in the line for Moules Frites, which is a pretty good line to be in.  Little did I know…  but more about that later. I bought Moules Frites — fortunately nothing to do with the bathing costume of a similar name that modesty forbids me from mentioning.  But those who know will find it funny.  With the Moules Frites you had a piece of bread and either an apple tart, which had nothing to do with young teenagers dressed inappropriately, or Far Breton, which unlike the one from Alexandrie, had prûnes…  But more about that later.

Brownie Points and Last Frites

I turned up with my trays of Moules Frites, for my wife, her mother, and myself.  I was later told by my mother in law that she wasn’t really hungry and that I really shouldn’t have, as she was eating the last moule and the last frite, and that yes, she would have the apple tart.  Classic lose-lose situation.  

I had won brownie points galore when I got back with some cold beers for my wife and I.  Well, one does aime to please. 

Fireworks and Finding the Car

At just after 11.10pm the fireworks started.  We all oohed and ahhed at the appropriate times, and when it was all over played at find that car.  I’m not usually very good at that game but tonight I was on fire (more about that later), and we eventually made it home.  Bliss.

The Party in My Pants

It was up to bed for me for a good night’s sleep.  But, yes, little did I know, I was to be awoken in the middle of the night with a stomach ache.  The party in my pants was under way.  I let out a botty burp, which wasn’t the best idea of the night, and dashed to the loo.  I sat down and had my own personal fireworks display down below.  Explosions and oohing and ahhing..  I managed to clean myself up and discarded my underwear, which bore the brunt of the opening salvo…  An hour later, I had a repeat performance.  This was fast becoming a night to forget — or at least to flush from memory.  

The Seafood God Has Spoken

The seafood god had sought vengeance, and it was my turn to pay.  The French have a healthy respect for the seafood god, as his attacks are notorious, and the scars are worn as badges of honour.  Lesson learnt.  More respect and an extra pair of undies.  A true rite of passage.  I just wasn’t very fond of him having that right to my passage

China – YongZhou to Foshan


Boxing Day 2024

Now, you might think of accusing Uncle Ian of feeling a little delicate this morning after the previous evening’s “fun,” but I’m going to disappoint you. My head did not feel as if it had gone through 10 rounds with a certain Mr Tyson, though I will admit to feeling a little tired. Slightly less bright-eyed and bushy-tailed than I’ve known myself to be. Will that satisfy you? Good, then we shall move on. Today’s destination was Foshan, much further south, and our first stop in Guangdong Province.

We were to have a mere 500km bus ride to Foshan. I decided to be anti-social and put my headphones on, just staring out of the window. A more relaxed way of passing the time and something that allowed me to simply take in the countryside. And what countryside it was. Now, the Vendée, where I live, isn’t exactly known for its mountainous terrain. Think more Jane Birkin than Marilyn Monroe—flat, laid-back, and subtle. At first, I didn’t realise what the trees were; some appeared bent over and broken. I just thought they were very young trees, before eventually cottoning on to the fact that I was looking at bamboo forests on the hillsides. They reached high up, gently moving with the wind. It was something I had never witnessed before.

We passed houses and farms along the way too. Again, a stark contrast to the cityscapes we had previously contemplated.

There was, of course, the inevitable “stop pipi,” and we all shuffled into the service station, which still wasn’t selling overpriced sandwiches. But the snacks available were certainly something to behold.

Now, you may be wondering if I partook in the tasting of these delicious-looking snacks. I did not. I was afraid they might be a little on the spicy side. Otherwise, absolutely no problem with eating poultry feet. Really, none whatsoever! I ended up getting something that vaguely resembled a chicken burger. Cheap, filling enough, and actually quite nice!

We arrived at the hotel. Before lunch—well, you know the drill: passports, room keys, and then we could finally eat. By now, I was really getting into Chinese food, and my chopstick funk was over. I was back in form! I managed to grab a couple of photos of the table we were eating at to show you, Dear Reader. The central turning platter took up most of the space and, by the end of the meal, was piled high with dishes that were certainly on the interesting side. In French, we say “tout est bon dans le cochon,” as a means of justifying eating the whole animal. In China, there is no mistaking what you’re eating. The whole beast goes into or onto the serving plate. Even the chicken’s head and feet. It was on this day that I ate tortoise for the first time. It was delicious! I think I had to get over any Western superiority complex I may have had and just eat what was in front of me. It would save trauma later on, and my belly would be full. Oh, sweet ignorant bliss!

Inbetween lunch and getting ready to go to the theatre, I decided to relax by having a go at some street photography to get the “vibe” of the city.  The main “vibe” was the amount of electric scooters everywhere, and the fact that they drive on pavements.  The French might have called it “un joyeux bordel” but somehow, don’t ask me how, it all seemed to work flawlessly.  You had couples on scooters, mother and small children on scooters, gentlemen on scooters.  Everybody in that place was on an electric scooter, or so it seemed.  The only downfall of such a system especially with me being hard of hearing, was that I could only hear them when they honked their horns at me.  Usually I hate this, but they were all honking!  The sun was out.  I was out, and the whole process gave me a mental clense that was greatly appreciated!

If you know China at all you will know that they have a reputation for pollution.  Oooooh.  Pollution bad!  Pollution very nasty.  Not good.  However, it does give a wonderful diffused light for photography, and one of the way theys fight pollution is not only by a huge amount of electric scooters and electric cars, but also by spraying water vapour in the streets hoping to capture some of those not very nice particles.  You can see this in a couple of my street photos above  It is said that all their electricity comes from coal powered power stations, but I saw plenty of solar panels as well as wind turbines.  I think they’re really trying, and should be encouraged.

Back to the hotel, getting washed, and changed, and dressed to go to the theatre for the rehearsal and concert.  But that will be for another day…

China – from Changsha to Yongzhou


Good morning, Dear Reader. Now, I know from the photos below you will find it hard to believe that it was actually Christmas Day! I didn’t believe it either. But it was! We were about to get to know the routine of our tour. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty: Get up, skip breakfast, get on the bus, stop off at a service station along the way, buy snacks and water, get to the next city, get to the hotel, drop off luggage, go to a restaurant for lunch, hand over our passports, get the keys to our room, inspect our rooms, get a quick shower, get into concert attire, get to the venue, rehearse, and get used to the acoustics of the venue. Then, get back to the hotel, eat, go to bed, and repeat. This was to be my life for the next two weeks. Oh, and get some photographs to show you, my Dear Reader.

We had been warned that the seats on the bus had been decided and there would definitely be no changes. Final. End of story. Out of the question! Don’t even think about it! So, of course, my roommate Corentin decided to raise a massive hoo-ha about the whole situation and at our December concerts, started dropping slightly unsubtle hints, which were to continue in the SBL China WhatsApp group.

Christmas Day came around, and on our bus was Corentin. The little bugger had succeeded and worn down Madame le Président. So not only was he to be my roommate for the tour, but also my bus mate. He was happy! As was I. He’s an amiable boy and also good company. He looked after Uncle Ian very well during the tour. His enthusiasm, albeit sometimes tiring, was infectious.

As the Boy Scout I once was many, many moons ago, I had learned the importance of “being prepared.” For our first service station stop, I knew they don’t use cards as we do. Apple Pay etc., are not used either. But it wasn’t a problem as I had Alipay. I knew there was something about scanning a code or being scanned, and that payments could be done this way. I was ready. I had done everything correctly. But, as in most military campaigns, no plan survives first contact. The bloody thing wasn’t working. I had had my daily happy pills, so I didn’t feel the need to panic, even though my heart was racing. I created another account, and it worked from there on in. I was still furious, though. Those snacks looked amazing. Although the chicken feet might have been a bit of a challenge—not your first idea of a tasty snack… Ah well. The youngsters at the back took pity on Uncle Ian and let him taste some of their snacks. Certainly different, slightly more spicy, and not like what you might find in a French service station, with their legendary overpriced sandwiches…

We eventually arrived at Yongzhou, and we were shepherded into our hotel. We dropped off our bags and crossed the road to the restaurant. On the way over, one of our bassoon players had a funny turn and ended up visiting a Chinese hospital ER. Not what we were hoping for, but we saw him later that day, and everything was a lot better, though he was still being watched over. We were all very worried about him, but all we could do was pray, hope, and not worry. He was in good hands.

The restaurant was in a shopping centre. Lunch? When I say lunch, I mean banquet. We were seated at enormous round tables, though I thought that taking on the role of Arthur might be overdoing it a tad. In the middle of this huge round table was a circular glass tray, where, as if by magic, dishes laden with Chinese food would appear. The drink served with the meal was jasmine tea, which was very nice too and felt so very refined. Then somebody said the magic word: Beer! Surprisingly, smiles appeared on our faces too! I’ll tell you a little more about that later on…

The food, of course, was amazing, and I started feeling that I could get used to this—and of course, I did… At the end of the meal, the Corentin love machine went into action, and he was covered with Chinese ladies of all ages vying to get a selfie with him. It was then that I dubbed him Sir Fanny Magnet! He was very happy with his new name and fame. So that’s what it’s like taking one for the team! Bless his cotton socks.

Then it was my turn. Walking to the restaurant, I had noticed a shop selling goat’s milk products, and the ladies inside seemed overjoyed to see us passing by. They were even more buoyed up when we passed by them again! They asked me if they could take a photo of me with a small bottle in hand. I, of course, acquiesced as one must, and I have the feeling that my Chinese modelling career was just about to take off. It was also most amusing, and certainly flattering. I felt amazing. The Corentin for the more mature and discerning Chinese lady… The others laughed as they passed by, taking photos and giggling. But why on earth not? You have to get into the swing of things!

The lady responsible for my bourgoning China top modelling career…

Back at the hotel, I got showered and changed into my concert suit and looked rather dashing, if I don’t say so myself. After the success of my photoshoot post-lunch, I was still on a high! Off we went to the concert venue for the evening’s performance. It was all very impressive, as was the welcome by the theatre staff. The actual stage was huge, and for the afternoon rehearsal, everything was ready for us. We just had to walk on stage and play. I could definitely get used to this. I even managed to get a few photos, including a short series of the boss playing Gabriel’s Oboe from the soundtrack of the film “Mission.” Not the impossible one, I hasten to add.

It was during this rehearsal that I got to know our soloist, Jennifer Councier, a little more. That girl’s voice is amazing and fills up the whole amphitheatre. She’s an absolutely wonderful singer.

The concert went very well, and the audience was on grand form. When Jennifer sang the Chinese song, we had only played the first two bars when the audience joined in. Can you get any better than spontaneous audience participation? Probably not. Apparently, the Chinese love a Viennese waltz by Strauss. They were also tickled pink when Corentin and Catherine, one of the first violins, and another couple of dancers went into the audience to waltz around. That poor boy got far too much attention. But he seemed to love every minute of it, judging by the grin on his face when he came back to join us on stage. The audience lapped up each piece of music, and their reception of our music was something I’m not going to forget for a long while. After our “Christmas” concert, we got back on the bus to go back to the hotel and eat. I know, more delicious food.

We were to eat at a different restaurant that evening. The food was amazing, and the place had a feeling of being a place for the locals too. Not just that, but they had beer too. Alipay had decided to work. Uncle Ian was about to have a “sesh.” Our colleagues drifted back to the hotel for a well-earned sleep. Uncle Ian was having a grand time of it. Uncle Ian was very happy about Alipay working, and the bonhomie was infectious, so much so that a table of Chinese lads offered me a beer and wished me a Happy Christmas. It certainly was turning out to be a very Happy Christmas. Now, these lads had a box of beer by their table and quite a few bottles on their table. They were having a great night. After our French colleagues left us, we invited them over to share some merriment. I wouldn’t describe myself as a drinker, but I will say that I have a knack for downing a beer at a rapid rate of knots. By the end of the night, our new friends for life, and of course, bosom buddies, were starting to feel a little wobbly on their legs. Corentin made me promise that I would just have one last beer. So one last beer it would be. He seemed a little terrified of the way the soirée was heading. He’s such a lovely boy for worrying about Uncle Ian… He managed to drag me away from our new friends and got me back to the hotel. Was he saving me from our new friends for life, or was he saving them from me. Only time will tell. I think the key phrase to the evening was “as happy as a pig in shit.”

Our new friends for life. Thank you Corentin for allowing me to use these images! The poor buggers didn’t know what hit them…

Beer, you see, has a special kind of magic to it. There’s something about it, something fundamental, that bridges gaps and makes two men from opposite corners of the world feel like old friends. Wine might carry elegance, and liquor can be quicker, but beer? Beer is no-nonsense. It’s a drink that demands little more than appreciation for its simplicity.

There’s a quiet dignity in a cold bottle, clinking against a glass, that says, “We’re here, we’re sharing this moment.” In a way, it carries a sense of noblesse, a kind of unwritten rule of hospitality: come, sit, have a drink, and let’s talk without pretense. There’s no rush, no grandiosity—just two people connecting. In the unlikeliest of places, beer brings people together, like a bridge that spans cultures and backgrounds.

I don’t mean to sound too lofty about it, but there’s something wonderfully egalitarian about beer. No matter where you’re from—be it France, or far-flung places like China—a beer is always the same. And, like some sort of unspoken contract, it helps dissolve differences.

Of course, there are jokes about beer that always float to the surface in these moments. Take, for instance, the old Irish joke about the “Irish queer”—and by this, I mean someone who prefers women to beer! It’s a bit cheeky, a bit irreverent, but in those rare moments when the last sip of beer is shared, it feels just right. Nothing can quite compare to the camaraderie that forms over a few cold ones, whether you’re bonding with a colleague or making a new friend halfway around the world. It’s this pure, unspoken connection that beer uniquely brings, and in that, it’s a drink that transcends.

And on these very wise words, I will leave you until the next installment…

The UK Chronicles – Preface


Off to the UK

Good Evening, Dear Reader. You might not be able to feel the same excitement and trepidation as me, but I can assure you it’s palpable. I’m not talking about the Olympics, or the opening ceremony, which was very, very French. I’m talking about my upcoming annual leave. I will be going home to the UK for 10 days. I will be going home. Home is where the heart is, and as my mate David Frank once reminded me, you can take the boy out of Hull, but not the Hull out of the boy. How right he is. Even after 30 years of living in a foreign country, and despite having become somewhat “continental,” the UK is, and always will be, home.

Heading Home: Embracing Nostalgia and Anticipation

The physical preparations are not underway yet, but the mental ones certainly are. We will be driving up to Calais from the Vendée. It is a drive that over the years has become vaguely familiar, and I have the images in my mind of the various stops along the way, and the signs that I will be looking out for. My wife is a professional driver, and I will be relegated to helping out when she becomes tired and needs a rest.

The Road to the North: Familiar Drives and Service Station Delights

I don’t know about you, but when I’m in my car, I’m in a familiar environment, and it feels a little like having a part of my home with me. The controls for driving are second nature, and I don’t have to think. As I have mentioned, I am a creature of habit, and despite not being alone whilst driving, and the possibility of a mad screaming harpie, I mean wife, sitting next to me, I’m still looking forward to the trip. For the first time in 4 ½ years, my son will be coming with us, so I’ll have some masculine back-up and will feel less dominated by my daughter and wife.

We will have a stopover in Dover, and take the now familiar road up to Northumberland to see my parents. I’m actually looking forward to the service stations in the UK, especially one near Peterborough, that has a kind of Food Court, which includes Marks and Spencer. I’m looking forward to biting down onto a prawn cocktail sandwich, and a Wensleydale and carrot chutney sandwich. I know it’s not the “gastronomie” that the French might talk about, but to me, it’s about the nostalgia of the thing. It’s part of coming home.

Home Away from Home: Comfort in the Driver’s Seat

But, I hear you say, Dear Reader, you haven’t talked about cameras or photography yet? And you would be right. Thank you for allowing my little trip to nostalgia land. So, let’s talk about cameras for this trip. There is, of course, the X100F, that is the travel photographer’s camera par excellence. It’s compact, it works, and gets the job done. It’s what I will probably be using nearly 80% of the time. The 35mm F2.0 lens has me covered for nearly all situations, and if I take the telephoto conversion lens, then I’ll be even more covered.

Capturing Northumberland’s Beauty: Gear and Location Plans

Do I already have plans for where to take photos? Mayyyybe…

I have already a largish selection of photos of the village of Alnmouth, that you should be able to find on this site, either by using the search bar, or looking at the tag list at the bottom of every article. But, believe it or not, Northumberland is not just about Alnmouth. I know. Mind blowing.

I would like to get some shots of Dunstanborough Castle (for which I might even have to take my Canon 6D Mark II and various lenses, but I’m not sure about that yet), Beadnell, Seahouses, the Farne Islands, Holy Island, Craster, Bambourgh Castle. There’ll be beaches, islands, birds, seals, boats, and harbours. I even thought of going down by Amble and maybe stopping off in Walkworth.

That might mean a Canon bag, with lenses and filters, and possibly even a tripod. Decisions, decisions. Do I need more room in the car, and will the family gang up on me if I take more photography kit with me? There is a difference in volume and weight, of course.

Weathering the Storm (Or Not): Temperature Contrasts and Photographic Possibilities

I suppose it all depends on the weather. One tends not to visit the UK for the great weather. Here in my little corner of France, it’s supposed to be getting up to 36°C today. Not in Northumberland, though. I’m expecting 20°C and maybe lows of 14°C. Much more comfortable, and almost human.

Conclusion

So “home is where the heart is” is still something that resonates with me.  Thirty years a foreigner, and yet as a lot of us immigrants, we’ll never be completely at home in our adopted country, we are condemned to never feel fully at home in our home country.  We will be “continental”.  Our very essence has changed. The nostalgia for a past that has moved on since we left is another of our penances.  Maybe that’s why I do so much black and white photography; a way of trying to capture this bygone time.