Mon beau-père, ce héros


My father in law, this hero.

This is the final chapter from our trip to Brittany. Now, where were we? Ah yes—the party in my pants. Not the fun kind. Not the sexy kind. The kind caused by just one “not so good” mussel.   I had paid my tribute to the seafood god.  And of course, as any self-respecting Frenchman would, we started thinking about lunch.  How very continental!

Marina has a flat just opposite where Gisèle, my mother in law, lives, and had made the very kind offer of feeding us that lunchtime.  Virginie, my wife, was asked if she wanted oysters for lunch.  No she didn’t, Maman. Did I want oysters?  Thinking back to my uncomfortable tribute to the seafood god, not for me, Gisèle. Oh I must have eaten a mussel that wasn’t bon…  Possibly Gisèle…

Gisèle still opened all the oysters she had and laid them out on a platter.  We would take said oysters with the leftovers from yesterday’s mammoth family lunch.  Yes of course I could take this, and that, and t’other….

The plan of the day: eat with Marina, Vincent, Raymond and Sylvie, and then go and see my father in law in hospital before heading home.

We ate with Marina and the others, and it was a lovely meal and we were made to feel so welcome.  Champagne to celebrate the 14th of July.  Ah well, I took one for the team and had a glass.  I wouldn’t be driving anyway.  My wife would be driving since I don’t know how to drive, and when I do, I drive like an old man.  My mother seems to like me driving like an old man, so there, Virginie!

The meal and company were both delicious, but like all good things had to come to an end.  We were going to the hospital to visit my father in law.

The poor chap hasn’t been well for some time, and has battled through cancer, botched operations, and old age.  This was the man I had met 32 years ago.  He was the Pasha.  The main man.  The man.  He was the archetype of a French male.  A man that I had grown to love and respect over the three decades.  Not always easy but what is?

We wandered through the hospital, and we eventually found Monsieur Jacob in his bed watching Arte, and films starring Jean-Paul Belmondo.  He was in pain but so happy to see us.  He looked nostalgic when watching the film, similar to the way I do when listening to the music of my youth.  However, he was no longer the man I had once known.  He had lost his right leg, and actually started to look old.  He looked like a shell of the man I had first met all those years ago.  His hands, once so strong they could crush a walnut, now trembled slightly under the thin hospital sheet.  Virginie held her father’s hand with such love and his eyes were telling her how much he loved her.  She told him about the trip to the UK to see my parents this summer, and about the children.  How Killian was back home, how Kate was changing schools, and how everything was good at home in Vendée.

We didn’t want to tire him more than necessary, and he had a date with Belmondo.  He hugged his daughter, then took my arm and kissed it.  Time moves on whether we like it or not.  He might no longer be the Pasha, but he’s still the man!

Back to Hell’s Belz


Welcome back, dear reader, to my world.

Today we will talk about families, food, being a hero, and more family, and kir. I know you can’t wait, so let’s begin.

Arrival in Bretagne

It was early evening and we eventually arrived in Bretagne, feeling very warm, surprisingly peaceful, and ready for whatever the weekend had in store for us. Or so I thought, but more about that later.

We arrived and my mother-in-law was talking to some people with Southern accents. Strange… But I recognised something in the gentleman’s voice. It was Raymond and Sylvie who are friends with Marina, my sister-in-law, and Vincent, her husband. You’re going to meet quite a few members of the family, so try and keep up. Vincent is deaf and has a hearing loss of 94%. Raymond was completely deaf, but had had a cochlear implant and could now hear! Isn’t science amazing. Sylvie is his wife.

L’Apéro – The Social Ritual That Just Happens

As will happen in summer, especially in France, we settled down to have the apéro. What an amazing invention. I have talked about this before, but they just seem to happen and people just know what to do and fit naturally into their respective roles. We talked about our hearing aids, and the difference they made in our lives. And started cracking jokes and basically having a good time. I was on the fizzy mineral water—you never know when you might need a driver.

Crisis Calls – Jessica and Xavier Need Rescue

We were in coastal Bretagne and it was nice to be back seeing Gisèle, my mother-in-law. The conversation was flowing and it was turning out to be a lovely evening. The phone rang. For once, Gisèle heard the phone and answered it. She has hearing problems too. Jessica, my wife’s other sister, and her husband Xavier, had been in La Rochelle and had taken a coach to get back home. That coach was late, and the boat back had stopped running. Ian to the rescue.

Xavier and I are the black sheep of the family, and get the most criticism. Xavier, because he is Xavier, and me because I’m not French. After 30 years we have become accustomed to our rôles and are secretly proud of it.

To the Rescue – Loca Loca Restaurant, Here We Come

I reminded my mother-in-law how shitty it can be when a plan, well, doesn’t go to plan—even more so when it’s not your fault. I said, right, let’s get in the car and go and get them. My mother-in-law would be the navigator. She asked if my car was a new car. I wasn’t, but it would be nice if it were. And wasn’t it far to drive? No, it wasn’t. She would have told them to stay the night with their son. True, but isn’t it nice, at the end of a long day of plans going wrong, to have something that goes right? It’s good to be good, etc.

Embrassades and Bises – Reunited at Last

We arrived at the station and couldn’t find each other. Gisèle was starting to get worked up, and I just calmed the situation down. Jess, you where? OK. I don’t know how to get there but I saw the Loca Loca restaurant. Can you both go there? They could. I drove round the block and I’m not sure whether where I parked was legal, but no flying farts were given, and that would be where I would be parking to pick them up. Embrassades and the famous “bise” and let’s get that case into the boot. Try and find a place on the back seat. They found a place on the back seat. And back to Belz to get them home. Yes, it’s good being good.

Kir, Shrimps, and a Forgotten CPAP Machine

Gisèle and I got back to her house, and the Kir was flowing and now it was my turn to have a few. Very nice it was too. We talked, talked, and talked some more, and Raymond went back to Sylvie and Gisèle, my wife and I decided to eat. Shrimps, homemade mayonnaise, and boiled potatoes. Simple, and wonderful!

We were to sleep in the bureau. My wife was upset at me because I had forgotten my CPAP machine. I would just go to sleep and enjoy the night… Tomorrow would be another day, full of adventure. Well, everything is relative I suppose. I will see you, Dear Reader, tomorrow…