(Or: How I Became a Human Pancake on a Tuesday Night) 

For about a month now I have been off work after “un accident de travail.”  I was leaving work on the 24th of September and tripped over some uneven flooring.  I’m not a small man or a light man and I landed flat on my face like a guardsman fainting.  I think my arms must have been tucked along my rib cage, and my nose hit the ground.  The resulting nosebleed left a bit of my DNA on the floor and I looked miserable, furious with myself — and in pain in my ribs.

We went to casualty that night at about 20h as I was in pain, which is not something I’m overly fond of.  None of this pain is weakness leaving the body codswallop for me matey.  Casualty was shut for the evening and we dialed 15 for the SAMU who declared that since my breathing was fine I must only have fractured ribs, go home, see your doctor, take a paracetamol and try not to move.  

No shit Sherlock!  However, that’s exactly what I did.  Surprisingly enough I didn’t move very much that first night, and the next day my doctor confirmed what we thought and I was given the good stuff.  Tramadol!  Tramadol didn’t make me high. It made me numb. And for the first time since falling, that felt like mercy.

Over the last month  my car has died, I have rested, still have pain when I turn over in my sleep, yet feel rested, and I have been eating a lot healthier with more veg and protein.  My wife took over driving me from my appointments and shouting when I yelled out in pain.  Do I feel better for the time off?  I suppose so.  But like a 68, you feel there’s just one thing missing, much the same as 70 but with the one extra thing.

Would I recommend it to a friend, not at all…  1 star out of 5 because of the rest and time off work…